Hello again Jordan,
I have a question for you but understand if you don't have the time to answer.
As you can see trough the precedent messages, I had issues with depression and since then I've been trying to change my habits and my thoughts. I got a job at a bank and suddenly my new spiritual work was tested and not strong enough. I've been there for 3 months and a half and had 2 panic attacks and 3 digestive problems due to my nervous stomach.
My question is if there's something to gain trough the struggle (learn about misled mostly) or if there's a point when enough is enough and my lesson should be learned and then move on. The only great thing about that job was the money but it doesn't seem to be worth it as I'm feeling miserable. But part of me thinks I'm just being weak because others do it without problems and I should just suck it up.
Once again, thank you for the Light,
Thank you for your patience in my response. It is wonderful that you're putting energy into trying to change your habits and thoughts. Doing this shows your aware of challenges you face and are working to overcome your challenges. You should be proud of yourself and perhaps you might consider being more patient with yourself. It's common to want to fix a problem immediately and feel discontent when change takes longer than one would like. The path of evolution never ends and as time is a human concept, overcoming challenges that we face over and over is very possible, yet may take some time.
Have you spoken to someone about your depression? I ask because other members who write in have expressed how counseling helped them tremendously, especially after they started down their spiritual path and started looking within. When a person looks within and learn more about himself or herself, he or she is able to contribute more to sessions and typically have found therapy helped them overcome the hurdles they were trying to defeat themselves.
Anxiety is the body's way of telling us something is wrong. In your case, you know what the trigger of your anxiety is and the question you may want to ask yourself is if its the energy of your work environment causing the problem and what is it about the environment that makes you anxious. Is there something about the job that you're correlating with something (or someone) from your past and perhaps triggering old emotions? If that is the case, you might consider therapy to overcome whatever in the past is still affecting you. Often we don't realize the affect something in our past had on us until we're exposed to similar situations or people, which typically triggers old emotions.
On the other hand, if you feel the environment at your job is simply negative and drains the positive energy from you simply because that's the environment and what your exposed to each day, then perhaps it is time for you to consider a new path. While there is often lessons tied with struggle, there is also a time when the lessons are learned and it is time to form a new path, taking the lessons and your higher evolved self down a new journey.
The page and pages linked to the page, Spiritual Evolution may help you if you decide to work on creating a new path of destiny. The steps of spiritual evolution can be applied to any aspect of your life and help create a new plan, including creating a new career path at a job where the energy helps you grow and evolve to the person you are striving to become.
Don't give up and don't allow the struggle to consume the light within you. The light is stronger than the dark and always shines brighter. It may not always be easy, but I have faith in your strength.
I'm always here if you want to talk or need any advice!
Love and Lots of Light,
Thank you for the kind words Jordan.
This job in particular was just something to help me get somewhere (interior design) and save some money and indeed the kind of tasks that are/were asked from me, even though are very common in a world dominated by consumerism and money, I felt were not aligned with my core principles. Not that I'm better than others but I just can't feel okay with my conscience manipulating clients by not telling the whole truth or using strategies to make them forced to accept my offers. There's not even a bigger, better or honorable goal behind it to motivate me to overcome those issues more that I already tried.
This job is well paid and difficult to get which enhances my "guilty" feelings like I deceived who hired me trough the long selection process, but maybe this anxiety attack was a wake up call in the sense that I should do something closer to my "element" in order to also get closer to the person I want to be instead of the one I end up being while hopelessly struggling.
I already have a session booked to a psychiatrist and I'm being medicated, but not for long I hope. From the moment that I left that job in my mind, life feels brighter and bigger and I promissed myslef that I deserve more of that and to work on that just like you wrote, the Evolution Process.
Thank you again my friend, can I call you that? :)
I'm honored to have you call me your friend :) You're very welcome, though no thanks are necessary. It is you who invested energy in working through your job concerns and decided to write me, and for that you should be proud of yourself!
It seems you have a clear understanding of what it is about the job that doesn't fit. There is nothing wrong with realizing a path chosen is wrong. Would you end a relationship if you started dating someone and realized he wasn't a right fit? Your job is where you spend a good portion of your day, right? Don't you think you deserve to find a job that motivates and helps you grow rather than one that stresses you to the point of panic attacks. Any negative environment that affects your happiness and other aspects of your life can be evaluated and changed, if so desired.
Fear and guilt are temptations and try to keep us from the light.
You can make that picture in your mind a reality. Believe in yourself and all that you are capable of and you'll be amazed at what future you can create for yourself.
Have you considered yoga? Perhaps some sort of yoga/meditation can help you manage the anxiety and make you feel more ease. Just a suggestion that popped into my mind :)
Love and Light,