I have been more involved than usual in my spiritual growth. In so doing, I have been releasing pain-body experiences on a deeper heart level from childhood and more recent learning crises. I feel more balanced and secure...even better than before.
My midlife crisis seemed to begin 2010 to now. I have had a deep soul mate connection with a cancer male for nearly 15 years. I have been romantically involved with him two times..Once in 2000 and one time a couple months in 2012. We remain friends, and I knew I had feelings...but only intellectually. I knew I wanted a relationship but was not ready. He wasn’t either...but we found a deep spiritual and chemical relationship that at times was too scary to think about. I know he wants safety. I wasn’t safe for love until October of 2013.
I done a lot of deep soul searching and feel I am the person I love and want to be, and am capable of a soul mate deeply committed relationship. I know he has feelings, but I am certain he isn't ready. I am deeply empathetic toward this, and have on an intellectual level let it go. At timed I feel my heart has to a large degree, but there are still times the sadness of not being with him brings an inner sadness as it is he who helped me be the best version of myself.
We are great friends and I sense he is sad we are not more as well. But he lives several states away, are in an internship, and finishing a degree. His girls 19 and 17 are nearby. He is practical and feels it is unrealistic. In his view he is correct. He has also been burned by past loves this lifetime. So he has that cross to bear. I would like to know if there are key strategies to release further the deep connection.
As while I’m extremely grateful what we have, and will honour it always...to move on and detach consistently is difficult. It feels as if I have until I try to call in the one...and my deep heart releases more connections. I don’t feel devasted.. But there is a sadness losing a dear loved one due to death. Maybe it just takes time. I have visualized cords being removed and to my knowledge they are. Since it is fresh that one I opted to feel deeply and Two I have to now let it go....it is just a matter of time. We have been great friends over the years, but I chose not to go too far because I had unfinished business and found myself carping and harping in ways not me. I went inward and healed which was good. He drew from me in carping stage, but I was so aware and willing to amend, he could still feel amicable. There is a strong physical attraction which is unheard of for both if us. We almost met last spring but I sensed his reticence after he initially happily agreed, circumstances financially were not ideal so I let it go. To date we are still friends, though we text much less as he appears to be in his cave. With that I have let it be. I miss the friendship, but I cherish time within and no that the separation is a gift to myself.
While intellectually knowing this and he artfully accepting and loving him as a friend and past lover...emotionally I get blindsided and I grieve the loss. I accept and love myself through this, but is there something else I should be doing to integrate the grieving into acceptance more fully. Or does this just take time. You know Virgos..to even let down guarded intellect and delve emotionally realizing only authentic truth of being real and heartful..For no expectation or reason t reach out similarly believe he would was quite hard. I did let him know I would rather be in his arms many miles away and not with one closer with no connection. He was touched and was more open in wishing me well and agreeing we have had a deep connection over the years. It is still his way to stay detached and I live him where he is. But still all I can do is release the energies of an us.
A little hard as I visualize what it could have been. I used your compatibility with his birth date and mine. And we rocked it, according to the report. It is like I just want to put o. my soulmate wants spreadsheet: give me everything on this report. Just find the one who is ready for it. Someone just like him who is free and clear. I know it juts him that he can’t be what I want...from an intuitive standpoint that is. Thanks for listening as I have no one who would understand my emotions and spiritual affect at this time.
Wow, what a great job expressing how you feel and analyzing the situation for what it is. Virgo's have a natural ability to see each detail and analyze until any situation makes perfect sense. What is impressive, is your email doesn't show any criticism or negativity regarding the situation, something that is at times a challenge for Virgos. Way to go!
A soul mate connection is when both people are ready to commit fully and without any hesitation. You seem to be in tune with your inner self and I guess the question I'll leave you to think about is whether you are willing and capable to love this man patiently and wait for him to also look within and find his way to you. If it is meant to be and you harness the virtuous energy of the light, perhaps fate may work its hand. Time is a concept we often hold too much regard for. So here's another question: IF it takes one month or ten years, would you rather walk away and give up or wait for this possible soul mate to find his way to you?
There is no definites in our world. The best one you can do is to (as you seem to be doing), work on your own soul and choices and leave the rest up to the universe.
What makes this difficult for most, is when temptation sneaks into your mind and soul and tries to create doubt, anger, frustration, and many other negative feelings. It’s not always easy to resist temptation, which is why life often seems like a dance - two steps forward and one step back.
Keep up the great work on your personal evolution!!
Love and Light,