Tuesday, July 8, 2014

How To Help Your Partner

Hi Jordan,

 I feel I am currently experiencing a life lesson. I am having difficulty in this lesson. My partner is very depressed and I am surrounded by a lot of negative energy constantly. It is causing me confusion and I am having a hard time thinking clearly what my next steps should be. I have really tried to help my partner but feel very sad that he does not accept any help. The whole family has been trying to help him but he does not accept it and will not try and help himself. He is in a very negative place in his life. I understand this is his choice and it is very hard on the family to see this happen. I would appreciate and insight or guidance you could offer. Thank you. I am also reading from the links on your website as well. They are very helpful also.

Thank You.

Hello Nora,
You seem to understand the situation quite well.  No doubt it is hard to understand a situation for what it is, but your words express that you do.  The question is how do you handle the situation, loving your partner and wanting the best for him but also knowing only he controls his choices and environment. 

Wanting to help often leads us to do things for our loved ones that are in a bad spot because our heart is in the right place and we want to help our loved one climb out of the dark place he or she finds himself.  Charity is the strongest energy of the light, and often people with big hearts think they're helping their loved one by doing things for him or her. 

It is difficult to draw the line between charity and enabling when love is the motive.  But unfortunately, if your partner doesn't want help and doesn't want to help himself, there is little you can do to change that - at this time.  Perhaps you may want to redirect the focus on finding ways for you to manage the negativity and limiting what you do for your partner.  Often when our loved one is in a bad spot and not ready to see, the charity done for him or her, is actually more detrimental to his or her soul's evolution and his or her ability to find a way to turn things around.  This is because if one is making choices that harness the wrong type of energy and people who love him or her are doing the things he or she should be doing for himself or herself, then the person suffering doesn't have to change.  He or she can remain in their 'dark spot' and the need for change is minimized.  This is because if life is being carried by loved ones, then the motivation and need to change is lessened.

Negative environments are draining and create challenges for people to maintain energy and the light that exists within.  Because of that, I suggest that you put some consideration into things you can do to maintain the light in your own soul.  Do you exercise or have a place that you go to that makes you feel peace and happy?  If not, you may want to consider finding a place or activity that helps you restore your own energy levels.  You can't help others without helping yourself.  So my question for you is based on the heart you have - what good can be done if the negativity your surrounded by consumes you and prevents your soul from its own evolution. 

Relationships are meant to help us evolve and this relationship exists for a reason.  There is no doubt that you could help your partner, when he is ready to help himself, but perhaps your also in the relationship to teach yourself boundaries and limits on what help truly means. 

My words aren't meant to make you think that you should turn your back on your partner but are meant to help you understand that in order to truly help him, you have to let go a bit.  Sometimes our desire to help makes us do the heavy lifting that the other person must do for himself or herself in order to truly change. 

Listen to your heart and harness the virtues of patience, love and understanding and everytime you feel the urge to take action with the intention of helping your partner change, why not ask yourself, "will this truly help him or am I enabling him to continue down his path?"  Until one sees and wants to change, typically efforts to help go unnoticed, unappreciated, and ultimately don't provide the outcome of helping our loved one change.

The website may be a place that you want to visit daily to balance out the negative environment you experience.  It is great that you understand as deeply as you do and please feel free to write in whenever you like.   This challenge that you face is not easy because it is often difficult to draw the line between love and helping our loved ones, and enabling them.  Especially, when one's heart and soul are in the right place. 

One last note to leave you with, is your partner's heart and soul in the same place as your own?  Perhaps understanding the two of you are currently seeing things from a different perspective will help you better understand what actions truly help your partner evolve and change is present situation, and which actions ultimately help him carry along life but don't do anything to help him change.  No matter how challenging the environment is today, don't give up hope that it can change for the better.  But with that, also realize that your soul and health of mind and body matter too.   Listen to your heart and let it guide you.

And don't forget to smile :)  

Love and Light,

Spiritual Advisor

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